You would think with all the Asian girls I dated in my life, one those bimbos would haven taken me for Dim Sum at least once. We always ende...
You would think with all the Asian girls I dated in my life, one those bimbos would haven taken me for Dim Sum at least once. We always ended up either eating Italian food or McDonald's and just having sex. Don’t get me wrong, that was cool but the bad thing about having sex with a Chinese girl is that you’re horny half an hour later. I know dim sum isn’t a big deal, dumplings, shumai, rolling carts, etc. Basically, Tapas for Asian people. If you don’t know what Tapas are, please stop reading this and light yourself on fire.
It was time I took matters into my own hands. It was my fathers birthday and I figured that I would treat him to a good meal. The man loves any kind of Asian food and he especially loves eating in Chinatown. He says it reminds him of Brighton beach except everyone is Asian. I also wanted to eat in Chinatown to do my part in trying to ever so slightly help struggling business recover after Hurricane Sandy.
I decided to pay a visit Nom Wah Tea Parlor - A joint serving up Dim Sum to New Yorkers since 1920. During the past few decades the small dim sum shop had fallen on bad times but it was revitalized in early 2010 by the owners nephew Wilson Tang.
The decor of Nom Wah is that of an old school coffee shop. A counter with stools, tables and a few booths. My parents and I were pointed to a booth in the back, upholstered with red pleather and a table that slanted forward. I was in love.
We were handed two menus, one with pictures for the Lames or Yelpers and another paper menu to check off what you wanted to order. Here’s what we got :
Stuffed Chinese eggplant ($3.50) Eggplant stuffed with deep-fried shrimp paste, served in a brown sauce with scallions.
“The Original” Egg Roll ($3.95)
Mixed vegetables and chicken wrapped in a crepe type blanket and
deep-fried in a batter. This isn’t your ordinary corner white-boy
Chinese food egg roll. It was weird and I could have eaten five more.
House special fried dumplings ($3.95) Pork and chives stuffed into a dumpling skin and pan-fried.
Pork Bun ($1.50) Steamed bun filled with pork and caramelized onions. Hands down makes my top 3 pork buns in NYC
Stuffed Chinese eggplant ($3.50) Eggplant stuffed with deep-fried shrimp paste, served in a brown sauce with scallions.
Shrimp Rice Roll ($3.50) Shrimp stuffed inside of a flour rice noodle topped with a sweet soy sauce.
Shanghai Soup Dumplings ($3.50) Pork dumplings filled with broth. Perfectly shaped, perfectly pleated, dough wrapper filled with a perfect ratio of soup to meat ratio. As you can see I keep the hooliganism down and let the dumpling cool in the vinegar before eating whole. Instead of biting a hole in the skin like some dickhead Yelper.
Shrimp & Snow Pea Leaf Dumplings ($3.95) Shrimp and snow peas tucked into a homemade wheat wrapper served open face. Now, my chopstick game is tight, but I was having trouble picking these dumplings up as they stuck to the bottom of the pot. This doesn’t mean I didn’t eat 3 out of 4 in the serving, You snooze, you lose, Mom.
Salt & Pepper Spare Ribs ($8.50) A heap of deep-fried pork spare ribs in a light crispy, salty, peppery coating. It’s hard not to love deep-fried, salted pork. Went down perfect with a Taiwan Beer.
We also ordered the pan-fried noodles in superior soy sauce and the house special dumpling soup which were both good, but I was to busy eating and dodging “Why aren’t you married yet” questions from my parents to take pictures of the dishes. My family and I ate like champs for $65, a reasonable dinner tab for any tight ass. What more can I say, go to Nom Wah Tea Parlor as-soon-as-possible.
Nom Wah Tea Parlor
13 Doyer Street, New York, NY
212- 962-6047
www.NomWah.com
It was a momentous time for Brooklyn; The Barclay’s center was opening up and Jay-Z was performing 8 concerts in a row; I was able to snag a...
It was a momentous time for Brooklyn; The Barclay’s center was opening up and Jay-Z was performing 8 concerts in a row; I was able to snag a pair of tickets. I realized if I was going to be standing on top of a chair and singing “Where I’m from“ at the top of my lungs, I was going to need some energy. The food line up would impress the dickhead elites at Yelp, but not me. I live a block away from Nathans, five blocks from L&B Spumoni Gardens, and I never heard of Brooklyn Burger. And to be honest with you, I would say three-quarters of the people working in the concession stands are there just there for a check and not really interested in what kind of product they put out.
On the train ride downtown I remembered a burger spot called 67 Burger which was recommended by someone who has never steered me wrong in the past. Located at 67 Lafayette Street, two blocks from the Barclay's center. The frontage of 67 Burger displays a large roll up door that exposes their funky blue and orange-colored walls, with chairs to match; a large mural saying "Brooklyn" greets you as you walk in the door. A walk up counter where a menu is displayed on a large LCD where you have the option to build your own burger or pick a pre-built. A number is given to you so your food can be delivered directly to your table.
Here’s what I ordered :
Western Burger ($8.50): A grass-fed, grain finished burger patty with your choice of cheese, topped with onions braised in BBQ sauce. I got my burger cooked medium, topped with sharp cheddar, added some bacon (+$1.75) served up with a side of red onions, lettuce, tomato and pickles. The picture of burger perfection, melted cheese, a seeded bun,. As I lifted up the burger, the picture began to blur, my bun was soggy. Which is not a big deal as long as my burger is juicy; juicy it was. Enough that I stained my shirt in record time, three and a half minutes. Although a soggy bottom, the bun was super fresh. The burger was cooked to perfection with a nice hint of smokiness and sweet from the braised onions. The bacon was crispy but not over done and complimented the burger well. At the end, the burger picture started to come back into focus.
Curly Fries : ($3.95) Yes, I order curly fries. Yes, I am 5 years old. I do understand the fries are not freshly cut on the spot but they were so curly and crunchy my inner child was happy to have them on the table.
The service at 67 Burger was on point, my glass was never empty and I was checked up on in a non-annoying fashion. I was a happy camper with a belly full of good food. I was ready to go H.A.M at Barclay’s, stained shirt and all.
67 Burger
67 Lafayette Street, Brooklyn NY
www.67Burger.com
Nine years ago, Times writer Josh Ozerksy had an idea to throw a BBQ that celebrates the entire animal, nose to tail. So every year meath...
“What the fuck is Korean Fried chicken” were the words I uttered when I first heard about the dish. When I think of Koreans I think of Kimch...
“What the fuck is Korean Fried chicken” were the words I uttered when I first heard about the dish. When I think of Koreans I think of Kimchi and really bad porno movies, not fried chicken. When I think of fried chicken, I think of the American south and people who marry their cousins. My first experience with Korean fried chicken was at Talde. The problem is Dale Talde is Philippino and not Korean. That was like buying a slice at an Indian restaurant. The idea is there but the authenticity isn’t.
After working 7 days straight, I wanted something different, yet small for lunch. I convinced a fellow co-worker to join me for some Korean fried chicken at a spot called BonChon in midtown. I was going to hit up Mad For Chicken at first but the time was an issue and we needed to be in and out.
BonChon is located on 5th avenue between 34th and 35th street. It was 12pm and lucky for my co-worker and I the place was dead. We picked our own seats amongst the dark wood tables, one which was a large communal table in the middle. I steer clear of communal tables because I really am not interested in having to hear about how you’re having a hard time finding decent fitting underwear. A fully stocked bar took up ¼ of the dinning room and a quick drop off of the menus, a quick skim through and this is what we ordered:
6 piece wings and 2 drum sticks ($10.99) Individually placed on a large white plate the chicken glistened with Bon Chon’s soy, garlic, hot sauce. I quickly dove in for a drum sticks. A crispy, crunchy drum stick that tasted sweet but ended spicy. Not the heat I was looking for but it did the trick of making my nose run a little. The wings, spot on. In the same glazed sauce the wings were meaty, crispy, saucy. The Korean fried chicken I had at Talde was good, but this was better and it didn’t cost $23
Kimchi cole slaw ($2) Luckily Kim Jung Il is dead, because if he was alive he would probably send whoever made this coleslaw to the firing range. I barely tasted any Kimchi and the coleslaw tasted like it was off the sale rack at an Associate supermarket somewhere in the hood.
So maybe Korean aren’t the best at making good porno movies, but they fry up on hell of a chicken. Although their rendition of fried chicken is basically a Buffalo wing, I would definitely put BonChon on my map of places to eat. BonChon might not be the best idea for lunch but definitely after an alcohol infused night or a late night bootycall session.
Bon Chon Korean Fried Chicken
325 5th Avenue NY, NY (many locations)
www.BonChon.com
My search for a good white boy Chinese food has become similar to my dating life. Disappointing, mediocre and tasteless. When I was in the m...
My search for a good white boy Chinese food has become similar to my dating life. Disappointing, mediocre and tasteless. When I was in the mood to have some sit down white boy Chinese food, my go to spot was this place in Bensonhurst called Chef Wong’s. I was on some Rao’s shit in there, I had my own booth. The waiters knew us, knew what we ordered and kept the crunchy noodles flowing like the Pearl River. But, like everything , all good things come to an end. So for the past 5 years I have been on the hunt for a good sit down white boy Chinese joint.
One recommendation that would come past my ear lately has been Brooklyn Wok Shop. Of course I was hesitant. The problem with white boy Chinese restaurants is that they are like assholes, everyone thinks they have the best one. But After all my past strike outs with white boy Chinese food places I figured I would have nothing to lose.
Brooklyn Wok Shop is located on North 10th street in land of where rich girls that look poor and dudes look like they operate steam trains, Williamsburg. The restaurant is not decorated in your normal Chinese food fashion. Cement t floors, dark tables, dim lighting and a wall decorated with white bowls with a decent music play list bumping in the background. A quick at a small menu and this was the order :
Roast Pork ($11.50) Soy
glazed pork served with bok choy. When first picking up a piece of pork
from the plate it fell apart. A big smile on my face I knew I was in
for a treat. But that smile quickly turned into a frown. Although the
flavor was there the pork was to mushy, even for me.
Scallion Pancakes ($6) Thin crispy pancakes with nice balance of scallions to dough served with a tangy soy sauce . Basically, scallion pancakes done right, finally.
Saucy wonton ($6.50) Shrimp and pork stuffed into a wonton and served in a tangy sauce. A perfectly tender wonton that played ping-pong with my palate. The tenderness was perfect with hints of pork and chives, then the sweetness of the shrimp which was sometimes offset by the tangy of the sauce.
Shiu Mia ($6.50) Pork and Shrimp dumplings. At this point you’re probably telling yourself “ this asshole just ordered that just without the sauce” You’re right, I did and I am an asshole. Yet, still a solid dish.
General Tso’s Chicken ($11.50) I am a self labeled General Tso’s chicken aficionado. To me a perfect General Tso’s chicken is a mix of white and dark meat, lightly coated but just enough to have crunchiness to the chicken. The sauce should be thick and in color with a balance of sweet, heat and savory which lightly coats the chicken. And this dish had hit all my requirements. After a few bites, the flavor painted my palate with a fire house. I haven’t had a General Tso’s chicken like this in years. Utter perfection.
Is Brooklyn Wok Shop the new Chef Wongs? Nah. But I can not really categorize this place as a white boy Chinese restaurant simply because a hipster took my order and there were no crunchy noodles flowing. Although they do serve some old school favorites I would say wok shop is Chinese food for cool kids. So strap on your high top dunks, throw on an ironic t-shirt and prepare yourself for a great General Tso chicken.
Brooklyn Wok Shop
182 North 10th Street, Brooklyn.
(718) 889-7992
www.BrooklynWokShop.com
The newest edition to the Grimaldi's empire of brick oven pizza has finally open in Coney Island. News broke about the famous pizz...
The newest edition to the Grimaldi's empire of brick oven pizza has finally open in Coney Island. News broke about the famous pizza chain opening it's third location in Coney Island this past February. Along with other high profile names like Tom's and Zito's sandwich shop.
Grimaldi's is located 50 feet from the entry of the Coney Island subway station located in an old furniture store which was renovated with a new facade and a large glass doors that open during the summer months. The walls are exposed brick and lined with 8ft tall pictures of Coney Island in the 1920's. A 50 seat dinning area with plenty of arm room and the pizza station off centered in the back of the room. As always the owner was at the front door directing seating and there was an line with a one hour wait time.
The owner informed that they are still in soft opening mode this week and will just be serving pizza. They will be in full swing next week with a full menu. No details about the oven but after trying the pizza I am sure it is not a coal burning oven. Still a great tasting pizza and for $14 for a large pie, it maybe the best deal in Coney Island. Totonno's pie is $21, but the shity attitude given during service is absolutely free.
Grimaldi's
1215 Surf Avenue, NY 11224
I try my very best to eat red meat once a month. I've hit that age where eating like you're going to the electric chair is dangerous...
I try my very best to eat red meat once a month. I've hit that age where eating like you're going to the electric chair is dangerous. Although I suffer from gout attacks, I am very thankful that I still have all my hair and my penis still works. Time was coming up for my monthly piece of red meat and I wanted a burger. I wanted to try something new and I wanted something good. I don't know if someone slipped something in my drink but I decided on a buger joint called Corner Burger located in Park Slope.
I was warned about corner burger and I should have listened. Bad sign number one: The place was empty, bad sign number two: The phone was not ringing nor was the guy behind the counter putting in orders. With two bad signs with in five minutes I started to realize I was in trouble. No turning back now, here’s what I ordered :
The Slope Burger ($10.50) Burger topped with bacon, cheddar, “ homemade onion rings” , lettuce, tomato and red onion. The menu specifies that all burgers are cooked medium, I even asked for medium, what did I get? Well done. You know who eats a well done burger? Assholes. The meat was tasteless and dry. Even the extremely oily “homemade onions rings” couldn’t save this burger thing.
Fries combo ($6.50) French, curly, waffle. Pre-cut fries. It was easy to tell with that coating on the regular fries. How the fuck do you serve pre-cut fries at a burger joint? Better yet, how do you serve pre-cut fries and still stay in business?
“Homemade onion rings” ($5) You can fool these Park Slope moms but you can't fool me. Any asshole can see these onions rings are not homemade. HORRIBLE. Greasy, soggy tasteless crap.
Even though the place was empty, service was horrible. I know dude was busy putting together a summer play list on spotify, but, whats up? Can’t ask if I need another coke? If the food is good? I left the place madder than a African cab driver when you tell him you’re going to Brooklyn. Corner burger maybe the worst burger I have had in 2012, maybe even in my life.
Corner Burger
381 5th avenue Brooklyn
718-360-4622
www.cornerburger.com
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