L et me start off by saying I need new friends. One cold and wintry friday night I got a drunk dial from a friend, a male friend. Now, I...

POP Burger

Let me start off by saying I need new friends.

One cold and wintry friday night I got a drunk dial from a friend, a male friend. Now, I love drunk dials but preferably from girls. It usually leads to a random booty call, and random booty calls are what life is all about, right? Anyway, this dipshit went on and on about how he popped bottles with models at Provocateur and how I missed out on all the fun. HA! Like I'd be caught dead at Provocateur on a motherfucking friday. He also went on and on about this place called POP Burger, in the meatpacking district; that it’s really good and I should try it out, the best burger I’ll ever have, etc. Before he went on, I stopped him and explained how I wished he would die in a house fire on Christmas Eve and that his parents bought him on the black market when the Soviet Union collapsed. Then I hung up the phone and tried to get back to my dream, in which Kim Kardashian was breaking up with me because I ate her cheese doodles.

Fast forward a few months and I find myself working down the block from POP Burger. They have three locations. This one was on 58th Street, between Fifth and Madison Avenues. I decided to head over for lunch and try out the burger, since my last two burger experiences sucked.

 The decor : As you walk in, you’re greeted with a lot of wood and carved walls that say burger, shakes, fries, and whatever else this architect decided to throw in while he was smoking crack. There’s some seating in the back and a high bar separating the order line from the kitchen. I was a little confused when I walked in, as the menu was not on the wall but rather on pieces of paper carelessly scattered around. So much for a green environment.

What I ordered : As I scanned the menu I started realize there were only two choices for a burger: the POP Burger and the Invisible Burger. I went with the POP Burger ($8). Only two choices of burgers at a place called pop BURGER? I think I’m in trouble here. I also ordered the tater tots ($4.75) and a can of coke ($1.75), which was warm, by the way.

The burger : In a white little box, two slider-sized burgers, topped with cheese, lettuce and tomato. Basically, two pieces of dry meat served on stale, doughy, slider buns. As you can see in the picture, more bread than buurger. Kind of funny, the last girl I met thought the same about me.


The tater tots : They were actually good; perfectly salted and a little crunchy on the outside, while soft on the inside. It brought me back to my high school days, when we used to cut class and go to a friend’s house, which always stocked with tater tots and a deep fryer. You gotta respect a house with its own deep fryer.

Another disappointment in my quest for a decent burger. But life lesson learned: when a drunk dial from a male friend comes through at 4am, hit the “fuck you” button and go back to arguing with Kim Kardashian about how you bought those cheese doodles last week.

POP Burger
14 East 58th Street, NY 10022 ( 3 locations in total )