After my minor orgasm at Fatty ‘Cue, I felt the need to check-out the Fatty Crews’ original place, Fatty Crab.  I thought I’d knock out tw...

Fatty Crab

After my minor orgasm at Fatty ‘Cue, I felt the need to check-out the Fatty Crews’ original place, Fatty Crab.  I thought I’d knock out two birds with one stone and go there on a second date with this girl I met recently. Yes, there is a Fatty joint stigmata with me and dates. But worst comes to worst I'd go back to sitting on my couch and eating pizza on Saturday nights.  

Fatty Crab is located at 643 Hudson and, of course, I walked right by it, even though they had a bright red awning with “Fatty Crab” written in bright yellow letters.  The space was small and dimly lit, the walls painted a dark red, with a glow from the bar and kitchen shining through. The scene in this place was mellow and calm, which means I was getting laid after dinner. Chatter filled the room but was drowned out by Kanye West’s “Can’t Tell Me Nothing” in the back ground.  Any place that plays hip-hop is a place I’d be more than happy to eat at and when I say hip-hop, I don’t mean Ludacris featuring Justin Bieber.

We sat down and the clipboards (menus) were handed to us. Everything looked so damn good we couldn’t figure out what to get, so we started off with ordering drinks. I had the Fatty Sour (bourbon, Pedro Ximenez sherry and fresh sour bitters.) It was fresh and sour, but something was missing. It definitely wasn’t the ‘Cue. 

So we finally decided on what to order, and here it goes: the quail egg shooters ($7), charred squid ($14), chicken claypot ($16) and, of course, the chili crab (market price, $48). We wanted the Wonton Mee, but they ran out. I was kind of hesitant about the crab because, let’s face it, eating anything in a shell is work and if I wanted to work for my food I’d get a job at the Food Network. 

First to come out were the egg shooters: 6 quail eggs lined up on a quail egg holder, which I did not even know existed. The waiter warned us that the quail eggs were a little spicy, so I tried one with caution. Nothing. Tasted like dry fish with no spice. Fucking liar. So I reached for the next quail egg and h-o-l-y fuck was it spicy. The mixture of the dried fish was good, but the spice overpowered the whole egg to the point where I was dying for the burning feeling to go away. 

Next is the charred squid salad, which consisted of broccoli, herbs, lemon juice and squid. Honestly, I couldn’t find any squid. Maybe this girl scarfed them down while I wasn’t looking. I think I had one piece, which was really good. It was perfectly cooked and tender, although the broccoli and herbs had my palate more confused than a hipster at the Ed Hardy store. There were too many things going on at once to really nail down a flavor. I’m glad that at least the Fatty Crew hasn’t fallen prey to the word “calamari” because, honestly, if I saw the word calamari in an Asian restaurant, I would walk out and proceed to curse them on twitter. 

Next up was the Clay pot, perfection served in a wooden bowl. Perfectly cooked chicken, with tender tofu in a thick soupy broth with scallions and chives. My date and I were utterly amazed and both agreed this was the dish of the night.

Finally, the chili crabs. I have to the say, the presentation was beautiful. Perfectly cooked red crabs, stuffed into a bowl with thick-cut toast and herbs, and immersed in a pool of chili sauce. Like I said earlier, I hate fighting for my food. The crab was cooked well but, honestly, the show stopper was the chili sauce. WOW! I’ve seriously never tasted a chili sauce like this before. Ever! It was spicy, it was sweet… it was good.

I ended the night with a Fatty Bar ($6), a candy bar sold exclusively at the Fatty Crews’ places. I had a choice between a bar with dark chocolate, roasted almonds, chili and sea salt, or a milk chocolate bar with ginger puffed rice and crisp rice. I went with the milk chocolate because I’m not really a chocolate person. The only reason I even got a bar is because of the ingredients. Wrapped in a 70’s, hippie wallpaper and gold foil, the bar was about 5” long (no, that’s not what she said.) Eh, it was a candy bar that tasted like Lo Mein. $6 down the drain. 

The bill came to $140 with tip. I’m on the fence with Fatty Crab. Yes, the food was good. Well, some of it.  The clay pot and chili sauce were good. Everything else sucked. Another thing that bothered me was the $48 price tag for crabs. Yes, they were good, but not $48 good.  Would I eat here again? Yes, the other menu items looked good. Would I pay to eat here again? No. I guess I’ll always have Fatty ‘Cue.

Fatty Crab 
643 Hudson Street
(212) 352-3590