Showing posts with label Burger. Show all posts

It was a momentous time for Brooklyn; The Barclay’s center was opening up and Jay-Z was performing 8 concerts in a row; I was able to snag a...

It was a momentous time for Brooklyn; The Barclay’s center was opening up and Jay-Z was performing 8 concerts in a row; I was able to snag a pair of tickets. I realized if I was going to be standing on top of a chair and singing “Where I’m from“ at the top of my lungs, I was going to need some energy. The food line up would impress the dickhead elites at Yelp, but not me. I live a block away from Nathans, five blocks from L&B Spumoni Gardens, and I never heard of Brooklyn Burger. And to be honest with you, I would say three-quarters of the people working in the concession stands are there just there for a check and not really interested in what kind of product they put out. 

On the train ride downtown I remembered a burger spot called 67 Burger which was recommended by someone who has never steered me wrong in the past. Located at 67 Lafayette Street, two blocks from the Barclay's center. The frontage of 67 Burger displays a large roll up door that exposes their funky blue and orange-colored walls, with chairs to match; a large mural saying "Brooklyn" greets you as you walk in the door. A walk up counter where a menu is displayed on a large LCD where you have the option to build your own burger or pick a pre-built. A number is given to you so your food can be delivered directly to your table. 



Here’s what I ordered :

Western Burger  ($8.50): A grass-fed, grain finished burger patty with your choice of cheese, topped with onions braised in BBQ sauce. I got my burger cooked medium, topped with sharp cheddar, added some bacon (+$1.75) served up with a side of red onions, lettuce, tomato and pickles. The picture of burger perfection, melted cheese, a seeded bun,. As I lifted up the burger, the picture began to blur, my bun was soggy. Which is not a big deal as long as my burger is juicy; juicy it was. Enough that I stained my shirt in record time, three and a half minutes. Although a soggy bottom, the bun was super fresh. The burger was cooked to perfection with a nice hint of smokiness and sweet from the braised onions. The bacon was crispy but not over done and complimented the burger well. At the end, the burger picture started to come back into focus.


Curly Fries : ($3.95) Yes, I order curly fries. Yes, I am 5 years old. I do understand the fries are not freshly cut on the spot but they were so curly and crunchy my inner child was happy to have them on the table. 



The service at 67 Burger was on point, my glass was never empty and I was checked up on in a non-annoying fashion.  I was a happy camper with a belly full of good food. I was ready to go H.A.M at Barclay’s, stained shirt and all.





67 Burger
67 Lafayette Street, Brooklyn NY
www.67Burger.com

I try my very best to eat red meat once a month. I've hit that age where eating like you're going to the electric chair is dangerous...

I try my very best to eat red meat once a month. I've hit that age where eating like you're going to the electric chair is dangerous. Although I suffer from gout attacks, I am very thankful that I still have all my hair and my penis still works. Time was coming up for my monthly piece of red meat and I wanted a burger. I wanted to try something new and I wanted something good.  I don't know if someone slipped something in my drink but I decided on a buger joint called Corner Burger located in Park Slope.

I was warned about corner burger and I should have listened. Bad sign number one: The place was empty, bad sign number two: The phone was not ringing nor was the guy behind the counter putting in orders. With two bad signs with in five minutes I started to realize I was in trouble. No turning back now, here’s what I ordered :

The Slope Burger ($10.50) Burger topped with bacon, cheddar,  “ homemade onion rings” , lettuce, tomato and red onion. The menu specifies that all burgers are cooked medium, I even asked for medium, what did I get? Well done. You know who eats a well done burger? Assholes. The meat was tasteless and dry. Even the extremely oily “homemade onions rings” couldn’t save this burger thing. 


Fries combo ($6.50) French, curly, waffle. Pre-cut fries. It was easy to tell with that coating on the regular fries. How the fuck do you serve pre-cut fries at a burger joint? Better yet, how do you serve pre-cut fries and still stay in business? 

“Homemade onion rings”  ($5) You can fool these Park Slope moms but you can't fool me. Any asshole can see these onions rings are not homemade. HORRIBLE. Greasy, soggy  tasteless crap.

Even though the place was empty, service was horrible. I know dude was busy putting together a summer play list on spotify, but, whats up? Can’t ask if I need another coke? If the food is good? I left the place madder than a African cab driver when you tell him you’re going to Brooklyn. Corner burger maybe the worst burger I have had in 2012, maybe even in my life.

Corner Burger
381 5th avenue Brooklyn
718-360-4622
www.cornerburger.com

 “ Ox cart ”. This is the text message I got from a friend. You see, most of my friends are fucking morons. They like to start their se...



 “Ox cart”. This is the text message I got from a friend. You see, most of my friends are fucking morons. They like to start their sentences in the middle and expect me to decipher what they're saying. Honestly, I was hoping a cart pulled by an ox had run him over. No luck. He went on to explain it would be the best burger I’d eat all year. I had to see this for myself.

Ox cart is located on Newkirk Avenue in Ditmas Park, the latest area to be gentrified, making it hard to tell if you need a bullet proof vest or hipster repellent. It’s housed in a cool little spot with outdoor seating in the summer. Inside is a bar, some seating and a few booths filled with hipsters. I also noticed some random crazy lady stealing silverware. She didn’t think anyone was watching, but I was. Right away I saw fresh baked pretzels. That’s a no brainer; order it. Now, on to the burgers. An Alamo burger and a coke will work.

Before I go into further detail about the food, my coke had arrived, in a tall glass bottle. Producto Mexico. We were off to a good start. 


 The soft baked pretzels: ($4)  Two pretzel sticks served with cheese sauce and dijon mustard. Piping hot, soft baked with a crunchy outer layer and a chewy inside. The dijon mustard was spicy enough to clear the worst case of genital warts. After that I stuck with the cheese sauce. 


 The Alamo burger: ($13)  No, PeeWee Herman did not deliver this burger on his bike. A half pound of beef topped with jack cheese, a deep fried onion ring, a fried egg and homemade BBQ sauce, all served with freshly cut fries.  If you’ve ever wondered what the meaning of life is, this burger is it. It’s perfectly charred, with a precise ratio of meat to bun. The crunch of the onion ring, the tenderness of an egg and the sweetness of the BBQ sauce made this a home run. My only gripe was I wished the egg would have been over easy.  The fries were good - fresh and crunchy.

Towards the end of the meal the service got a little sluggish, but that’s because I think a A strokes cover band performance next door let out and the place was turning into dude bro central. If you told me 15 years ago I would one day eat one of the greatest burgers in Brooklyn, on Newkirk Avenue, I would have stolen your wallet and peed on your leg. My, how times have changed. 

Ox Cart Tavern 
1301 Newkirk Avenue, Brooklyn NY 
(718) 284-0005